What is Codependency?
Codependency defines the behaviors and attitudes of one person within the context of an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship.
A person can be described as codependent when they place extreme focus on the other person or persons in the relationship. Their identity and self-worth revolve almost entirely around helping, or even “saving”, that other person.
Codependency usually involves sacrificing one’s own emotions, needs, and even safety to help, save, or cure someone else. While codependency itself is not an official mental health disorder, it can lead to serious mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression.
Therapy with a licensed counselor can help address the roots of codependent behaviors in order to promote better self-esteem and develop healthier relationships.
Signs You May Have a Codependency Problem
Although codependency isn’t an official mental health diagnosis, we can still talk about the signs and symptoms of codependency. These are broad and wide-spread patterns of behavior that can signal unhealthy behaviors within a relationship. These symptoms include:
Needing to “save” the other from any harm, thereby preventing the other from fixing a problem themselves, learning from the situation, or accepting the consequences of their actions.
Feeling responsible for the other’s happiness to the exclusion of saying “no”, establishing any boundaries, or putting their own needs first.
Low self-esteem and sense of self-worth; internal gratification comes from the sense of “being needed”, even if the other in the relationship does not show gratitude.
Prioritizing others’ well-being while sacrificing one’s own personal needs for self-care and emotional support.
Projecting an image of competence, self-reliance, and perfectionism that masks extreme feelings of insecurity and inability to accept criticisms.
Linking feelings of personal failure to the failure of others, leading to extreme possessiveness or excessively controlling behaviors.
Most Common Codependency Situations
Codependency can arise in any unequal or unhealthy relationship. However, some types of relationships are more likely to develop into a codependency situation, including:
Addiction, including drugs or alcohol, gambling, shopping, or any other addictive behavior
Emotional or physical abuse
Parenting (living vicariously through children’s achievements, overly controlling behavior in order to set high standards of success, and protecting children from any hardship or failure)
Caregiving for a loved one with a chronic illness or disability, in which the caregiving turns to extreme self-sacrifice coupled with controlling behaviors
Therapy for Codependency
Individual and group therapy can be extremely effective in helping to identify the root causes of codependent behavior. Therapy can also help people with codependency improve their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth and offer tools for building healthier, more equal relationships.
Individual therapy with a licensed therapist or counselor will often start with examining how codependent patterns of behavior evolved due to past situations, even in childhood, and identifying repressed emotions. Therapy also focuses on how to offer support and guidance without enabling addiction, abuse, and other bad behaviors by the other party in the relationship.
Therapy for codependency often involves developing the tools to improve self-esteem and self-compassion, while minimizing perfectionist and controlling tendencies. These techniques focus on the importance of self-care and learning to say no and set—and keep—appropriate boundaries.
Group therapy can play an important role in addressing codependent behaviors. Al-Anon, for example, is a well-known support group for family and friends of people with alcohol addiction. Al-Anon is heavily focused on addressing codependent behaviors within these relationships.
Codependent behaviors within relationships evolve over time and involve long-standing patterns that can be difficult to spot. But codependency is never healthy, or the basis for a healthy relationship. If you feel that your relationship is based on, or is leading to, codependency, therapy can help. Contact a licensed therapist today.
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Collaborative Therapeutic Services (CTS) wants to help. We offer a variety of counselling and therapy services, hours, and service providers with diverse specializations. We offer evening & weekend appointments in office or by TeleHealth conferencing.
Have questions? Contact Us Here or Call 813-951-7346. Located in Tampa, Florida. Ask us about our new NEUROLEASE™ TREATMENT THERAPY - A cutting edge treatment for releasing toxic emotions.