When we hear the word “abuse”, we almost always assume that the term is referring to physical abuse involving violent acts leaving visible scars. Yet that word—“abuse”—can also refer to emotional abuse, a form of abuse that is no less serious than physical assault and also leaves deep and lasting scars. And unfortunately, emotional abuse can be, and often is, more difficult to recognize and thus more difficult to prevent.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Defined most broadly, emotional abuse is a form of verbal and/or mental manipulation in which one individual utilizes negative feels to maintain control over another individual. While emotional abuse can take many different forms, often simultaneously or in conjunction, the most common tactics associated with emotional abuse include:
Verbal threats or attacks
Insults and/or criticism
Humiliation and shaming
Intimidation
Coercion
Gaslighting (in which one person undermines the victim’s beliefs in their own thoughts, memories, and perceptions)
An especially important element of most emotionally abusive relationships is constant surveillance and isolation. In many cases, the abuser monitors all communication—emails, phone calls, texts, etc, sometime utilizing hidden apps secretly installed on the victim’s mobile devices—with the explicit goal of ensuring loyalty and compliance, enforcing control over the victim’s every action, and limiting contact between the victim and his or her community. And unfortunately, once an emotional abuse victim is isolated from friends, family, and support networks, it is substantially more difficult for loved ones to recognize the abuse and for the victim to seek and obtain help.
Emotional Abuse: Help is Possible with Therapy
The good news is that a qualified abuse counselor can help both the abuser and the victim recognize and potentially even cease the pattern of abusive behavior and begin to face the long process of healing the emotional wounds created by years of emotional abuse. However, this healing process can only begin once both individuals in the relationship acknowledge the fact that is abuse is occurring and become willing to put in the difficult work to address it.
Many emotional abuse victims are often unable or even unwilling to seek help. Isolation is such an effective emotional abuse mechanism because it works in two ways: first, it prevents the victim from asking for help from his or her community and support network but it also leaves the victim emotionally and even physically dependent on the abuser. The victim may not be able to speak openly about their situation without fear of negative consequences, they may doubt whether they really are a victim of abuse, and they may not realize that they need to leave or know how to leave safely.
Working in a one-on-one setting, a trained therapist can help a victim of emotional abuse recognize their situation, rebuild their self-esteem and autonomy, and restore their faith in their perceptions and emotions. If necessary, the therapist can help the victim create an escape plan to leave the relationship safely. Once the relationship has ended, the counselor can utilize a variety of therapeutic techniques, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), to begin addressing and healing the emotional trauma.
Joint therapy is not generally recommended for individuals in an emotionally abusive situation. If the abuser is unwilling to recognize the abusive behavior, joint therapy can, in fact, stimulate more abusive behavior and therefore make the situation less safe for the victim.
That being said, if an abuser is willing to acknowledge that his or her behavior is abusive, individual therapy can be highly effective in helping the abuser correct the abusive behavior and re-establish positive relationships (when appropriate to do so). For instance, a therapist can help identify why he or she is engaging in abusive behavior and help the abuser learn to replace those negative behaviors with healthy ones.
Therapy can help an abuser:
Manage anger safely
Develop emotional intelligence
Set and keep appropriate boundaries
Have healthy and respectful disagreements
Share power and control equally within a relationship
Healing the scars of emotional abuse is never easy, but it is possible with hard work, honesty, and dedication. The first step—and often the hardest one—is asking for help.
Collaborative Therapeutic Services (CTS) wants to help. We offer a variety of counselling and therapy services, hours, and service providers with diverse specializations. We offer evening & weekend appointments. Have questions? Contact Us Here or Call 813-951-7346. Located in Tampa, Florida.
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