What is Emotional Abuse?
An abusive relationship doesn’t always involve physical violence. Emotional abuse can be just as serious and damaging as intimate partner violence. And unfortunately, it is far more difficult to recognize.
Emotional abuse is a way for one partner to establish control and domination over the other through emotional manipulation. Just a few of the many tactics of emotional abuse include:
· Verbal abuse, including name-calling, belittling, hostile sarcasm, and verbal assault
· Constant criticism, shaming, and blaming
· Humiliating and making fun of the victim in public or in front of friends and family
· Gaslighting
· Scapegoating
· Withholding affection or communication as a form of punishment
· Threatening harm
· Monitoring and controlling all forms of communication
· Taking control over all decision-making
· Controlling finances
Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that usually evolves subtly and slowly. Over time, these and other tactics of emotional abuse erodes the victim’s self-confidence, self-esteem, and even sense of self. The abuse undermines the victim’s ability to see the situation for what it is, causing the victim to blame him or herself. And the long-term results of emotional abuse can be just as significant and harmful as physical abuse, leading to anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicidal thoughts and actions.
Isolation as a Tactic of Abuse
One of the most effective and most problematic tactics of emotional abuse is isolation. The abuser limits the amount of time the victim can spend with friends, family, and other people outside the relationship. As with other tactics of emotional abuse, isolation often happens slowly, over time. It can be extremely difficult for either the victim or his or her loved ones to see that the victim is being isolated.
Tactics that abusers use to isolate their partners can include:
· Cancelling the partner’s plans without asking
· Acting rude or dismissive to friends and family
· Demanding immediate responses to calls and texts
· Continually monitoring the partner’s plans and whereabouts
· Constantly “checking in” on the partner and even showing up unexpectedly when they are out
· Spying on communications such as phones, internet history, email, etc.
· Having a rule about password sharing for phone, social media accounts, and email to prevent private communication
Why does isolation work?
Isolation is both effective and problematic because it works against the victim in two important ways.
1. Isolation reinforces the abuser’s emotional manipulation because it removes the victim’s ability to gain a different perspective.
When isolated, the victim is unable to discuss the relationship—or his or her feelings—with a trusted support network. He or she has no opportunity to hear different voices undermining the abuser’s emotional manipulation and reinforcing his or her self-worth.
2. Isolation makes getting help and leaving the abusive relationship extremely difficult.
Simply put, if you cannot talk to your friends and family, you can’t ask for help. Preventing the victim from seeking help reinforces the abuser’s control over the victim and makes leaving the relationship extremely difficult.
Getting Help for Emotional Abuse
Recognizing and escaping from an emotionally abusive relationship is extremely difficult—especially if you find yourself isolated from a support network. Recognizing the emotional abuse for what it is—and reminding yourself that you are not to blame—is a crucial first step. Confiding in a friend, family member, or professional therapist can be another important, albeit tough, step. But each step, no matter how small, is a way forward.
Unfortunately, if the abuser senses that he or she is losing control, he or she may escalate the abuse. So it is critical that you develop a physical escape plan for leaving the abusive relationship when you are ready. Even if you have been isolated, your support network is still there, waiting to help you make a stronger escape plan.
Seeking professional help from a licensed therapist or counselor trained in intimate partner abuse is another critical step in your short- and long-term recovery. A mental health professional can help you formulate an escape plan, and can help you address the long-term mental health problems of emotional abuse.
NEED HELP?
Collaborative Therapeutic Services (CTS) wants to help. We offer a variety of counselling and therapy services, hours, and service providers with diverse specializations. We offer evening & weekend appointments in office or by TeleHealth conferencing.
Have questions? Contact Us Here or Call 813-951-7346. Located in Tampa, Florida. Ask us about our new NEUROLEASE™ TREATMENT THERAPY - A cutting edge treatment for releasing toxic emotions.